2017 Jan 25th
It’s time for a break. The new president has provided, and
continues, to provide enough detritus to fuel this blog for some time to come…and
we’ll get around to that. In the meantime, there have been some unfortunate
exits from the stage; Mary Tylor Moore has left; Shelly Berman is well over 90.
So here is a bit about a severe failure of communication between mother and son
in the Shelly Berman/Bob Newhart mold.
Mother
“Hi
Mom; how are you today?”
“I’m
just so disappointed and distressed I don’t know what to do.”
“What’s
wrong Mom?”
“You
know that I never got a Christmas card from you.”
“But
Mom I called you Christmas day to wish you Merry Christmas and to see if you
got those books and the records of Christmas carols you wanted. Don’t you
remember? We talked for nearly an hour Christmas morning.”
“But
I have these other Christmas cards on the mantle above the fireplace but there
is nothing there from you…(sigh)… I guess you just forgot. Well that’s alright
I’m sure you’re too busy to remember something like that.”
“Actually
Mom I have been busy; I’ve met a girl I really like and I want you to meet her.”
“That’s
fine son. Where does she live?”
“She
lives with her folks over in Homewood.”
“She
lives in Homewood? We don’t know anyone who lives in Homewood. That is a
terrible neighborhood.”
“Mom,
her folks have a very nice house.”
“She
lives with her parents does she?”
“Yes,
she lives with her folks.”
“Why
does she live at home? Can’t she find a job?”
“She
has a job; she works in a drugstore over on East Eighth Street.
“Oh
my Lord; you aren’t getting mixed up with drugs now. Please tell me you aren’t
into drugs!”
“Mother,
she works in a drugstore. She is a druggist, a pharmacist. That means she has a
doctor of pharmacy degree. She has more college than I do.”
“Well,
that education won’t make a bit of difference if she is into drugs. You know
those people can get all the drugs they want. You be careful because once she
gets you hooked on drugs…”
“Mom
she only sells drugs to people who have prescriptions from their doctors.”
“You
can get a doctor to provide a prescription for whatever you want. Don’t you see
those TV ads that say ‘Get your doctor to provide a trial of …’ and she can
also use those drugs herself or she can give them to you!”
“Mom
they have to account for every narcotic pill they dispense. The State controls
all that.”
“And
aren’t you an accountant? What will happen when that bank you work for finds
out about this?”
“Mom, her drugstore does all their banking
right here. And they have an excellent credit rating.”
“Well,
you weren’t brought up this way; first you date a woman who sells drugs for a
living and then you work for a bank that does money-laundering for drug
dealers. I’m so ashamed!”
“MOTHER!”
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